Coming Home to Cartwheel Girl
Age 64
Get ready, get set... NOW!
I’m texting a friend and I’m looking through emojis to punctuate my words. Something that communicates fun, spirit, frivolity and even a bit of festivity. There are the usual - the toasting drinking glasses, the birthday hat with confetti and streamers spilling out… I consider those but...I want more. And then I come across cartwheel girl. Immediately a grin forms, spreads wider... I feel a little spark within, a bit of excitement, then a sense of giddiness… I know, on stumbling upon her, that girl’s got spirit - she's a spunky one - carefree. I realize my connection and the emotions that looking at cartwheel girl elicit are because cartwheel girl is ME. Cartwheel Girl is my young self. My 10-year old self. Full of wonder, spirit, fun…
I consider that ten-year old girl - what she looks like, where she is when I think about her, what she's doing, who she’s with… At my first “look” I can almost hold a number of different images of her all at once: she’s sweet-looking, wiping up her neck with her hand and there’s something sticky there - most probably from the candy necklace she’s wearing - no matter; she’s outside in the backyard, a wide blade of grass between her thumbs earnestly trying to make it whistle; she’s up in her parent's bedroom on the blue carpet, crayons and markers all around her, discarded paper bands from her dad’s dry-cleaned shirts, having broken the band in order to slip out the cardboard tucked within the crisp, folded shirt - natural on one side, smooth white on the other - perfect on which to draw windows, shutters, flower boxes, a front door… The makings of a troll house. And this is just the beginning.
In thinking about Cartwheel Girl I recognize what is so special about her: she doesn’t over-analyze her desires and decisions - she just does. She enthusiastically does whatever “good idea” comes to her. She wants to make a dollhouse? She is resourceful in gathering everything she needs to do so and sets to “work”. She wants to learn a new instrument - in this case a blade of grass? She sets to trying this activity for what seems like hours - more realistically a concentrated 5 or so minutes of practice, until she makes a bit of progress - maybe it’s just a tiny squeak that emanates from between her thumbs. Satisfied enough she will give it a break and try again at another time. Not feeling discouraged, not feeling disappointed in herself if she can’t do it as well as her friend, somehow knowing that she will figure it out and ultimately be able to produce much clearer, more “melodic” sounds. It will just take practice and at this stage it definitely seems conquerable. It will happen. It’s simply another “project”: one of many.
Cartwheel Girl is always full of life and ideas. THAT is exactly how I want to FEEL and BEHAVE at 64. I started to lose the spirit of that beautiful young girl: adult life, responsibilities, expectations from others… But I’ve always enjoyed creating - just for creating’s sake. And so... I will create projects and continue creating my life.
I plan to turn it up and am excited about the process of discovery, finding what lights me up. I intend to keep the positive vibration set to open myself up to all of the possibilities. Pursue, learn, engage, explore, grow… DO!!! Create more of EVERYTHING. This is the time: if not now, when?
I want to live a life that pays tribute to Cartwheel Girl when I’m 64. Get ready, get set... NOW!
Addendum: The days seem to race by. Some days I feel mortality is nipping at my heels and an urgency to figure out, in the paraphrased words of poet Mary Oliver, what is it I plan to do with my one wild and precious life? But then I think of the comforting and wise words of A. A. Milne “Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” And to THAT I say simply - Carpe Diem!!!