Taking Stock

Age 58

…play is powerful and nurtures the soul.

While I’m not quite yet 64, I’m inching closer and learning and growing along the way!

One of life’s greatest lessons for me has been learning to listen to my own inner voice, my deepest intuition when making decisions. For too many years, I looked to others’ advice. I was raised as a Christian Scientist and taught to ask God for guidance with all decisions - large and small, and when divine guidance wasn’t clear, to consult a Christian Science practitioner.

But the founder of that religion, also spoke about listening to the “still, small voice within.” While I don’t practice Christian Science anymore, it is a part of me, and this concept of listening closely to one’s inner voice is perhaps one of the pearls I’ve taken from it. For whatever reason, perhaps lack of confidence, I didn’t trust my own intuition for too long. But I’ve come to appreciate my own inner wisdom and to rely on it to guide my path in life. It’s empowering to do this, to know I don’t need to look to others, that I know what’s best, as I know myself better than anyone. Those decisions I’ve made when I hush external opinions and listen in the deepest way possible to my own inner voice are the ones I’m most proud of.

Along those lines, I’m learning to be more gentle and forgiving with myself. When growing up, the Golden Rule was often reinforced by my family and teachers. But the idea to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” implies a great degree of self respect and self love. I’ve come to realize that self-love is not narcissistic. Well, it can be. But if it’s practiced in the sense of appreciation, not an indulgent or boasting, aren’t-I-great kind of way, it’s key to learning to love and appreciate others. Those who are most critical of others are often also critical of themselves. On the other hand, those who love and appreciate themselves can better feel kindness, compassion, and genuine affinity for others.

So I’m practicing more self-care these days, knowing it’s not selfish or indulgent, but rather key for my own ability to stay grounded and centered, and that by doing so, I can also give more to others.

I have sometimes been told that I’m too nice, too accepting of others, too trusting - and that’s occasionally gotten me into difficult situations. Again, Christian Science taught me to see the good in everyone, to look for each individual’s light and help them to shine it brightly. While I love that, I also have come to realize I need to temper that trust with a bit of a reality check, to understand that people can get off track, that they can even be jerks, and that one needs to be discriminating and even wary and skeptical at times before fully trusting others in business dealings, in friendship, whatever.

I’m also realizing that keeping a sense of lightness, joy, and humor can help ease any situation. More than ever lately I try to balance serious or intellectual pursuits with play - and I know that’s key to staying sane and healthy! I no longer feel frivolous, for example, spending time playing tennis or my latest hobby, pickle ball. In fact, I’ve realized - perhaps more than ever during the stressful days of 2020, that play is powerful and nurtures the soul. I have been told that as a child, I was usually quite joyful. I find it’s not always easy to keep the weight of the world from dampening one’s joy. But I try every day to stay true to that little girl, to find something to feel joyful about, as there’s always something to celebrate in life.

Learning and growing as we become our most authentic selves is part of life’s grand adventure! I’m grateful for this “assignment,” which forced me to pause from life’s demands and take stock of where I’m at along life’s journey. Onward and upward!